Dear Captain Ron

 

We get many e-mails from our visitors and here are a few of them...

 

Dear Captain Ron,

I am Bill's spousal unit and I have been bad. Bill gave me the job of maintaining the dinghy motor on our yacht's tender and he said that " It would be good for me to have some responsibilities on the yacht" Every month I drove down to the yacht which we keep at Marina Del Ray and was supposed to..." maintain the dinghy motor." I did that twice in 1981 but since then have gone to the mall instead with my friend Sherrie. Sometimes we go over to the yacht too for drinkiepoohs and once last year Sherrie said "Your seagull is looking kind of funny"  Bill is retiring next month and will finally have a chance to use the yacht and is looking forward to it. But Captain Ron, when I went down to the boat this week the darn motor thing looked pretty bad. I need to do something to make it look new again before month end. Thanking you in advance and LOVE YOUR SITE!!!  Anita

Dear Anita,

Not to worry. Why in the old days when we had our shop all you would need to do is send it up to us air express and we would have it humming like a bird later that afternoon. Unfortunately, we have closed the shop. Suggest you buy Don Meyer's new book THE CLASSIC BRITISH SEAGULL from his site http://maddenterprises.com and a new cylinder from us - we can supply a used serviceable one for $65 and I suspect you will need a few more parts such as crankcase bolts and various ignition parts. Wire brush all the rust off the fasteners and treat them with our new product Meyer's Magic Elixir and that will solve your corrosion problem. Yes Anita it can be done. And in the future rub an oily rag over the seagull once every couple of months and it should be fine. Happy Seagulling!!!   Captain Ron


Dear Capt Ron,

Bill here Capt Ron ( yes Anita's spousal unit). Please forgive Anita but that is not our seagull! Anita is from Sweden and is blond. And has a mild case of dyslexia. She continually confuses our yacht with another as the numbers on the dock get sort of reversed in her head. (and both yachts are white!!)  Who really knows what goes on in her head!!! Anyway just to let you know that our seagull HAS been properly maintained and is in fine running condition. I showed it to Anita last night and she said "oh the parts I ordered must have come from that nice Capt Ron guy in Canada! "  The other owner has used his seagull as an anchor for his dinghy for several years and that explains its rather forlorn condition. Keep up the good work Capt Ron!!

PS How is the move going??

Bill - Marina del Ray

 


Hi Bill,

Thats a relief! The move is going well. Here is a picture of the latest truck load of some of the parts motors that went over to the storage facility yesterday. We will be out of the warehouse by July 31 and then will operate exclusively on-line and by mail order with our inventory in accessible storage. So far so good!   Cheers!  Ron  (Editors note - yes the move was successful and we are now operating out of a much smaller and cheaper storage locker)

 

Dear Captain Ron,

I found a seagull in the garbage and would like to get it back in good running condition and maybe sell it. Now since I didn't pay any money for it I don't want to pay a lot for parts! Do you have any old parts there that you could send me free. You can send them parcel post if you want to save on the postage. Although I would appreciate it if you could ship in a timely fashion. I was involved in a car accident as a child and have not been able to work since due to flashbacks. Our car knocked the bumper off a Volkswagen and I was traumatized. How much will me seagull be worth when it is fixed? Can you send me a free manual too. I wish I had lots of money and I could pay you but I am a student of advanced astrological techniques and simply have no money. And until Pluto lines up with Saturn I am screwed. Well thanks Capt Ron. PS I like your page some ways but in others its a bit infantile and the graphics suck. You would be wise to invest in a professional web designer.

Hope my advice is helpful and I am offering it in barter for the goods. Please fill up a good sized box. Thanks! Sam in Saskatoon.

Dear Captain Ron,

Please see attached picture of "Sammy" Seagull. Our Marine Biology Class has adopted Sammy but we notice he leaks a lot. Apparently you are a world expert on seagulls and we respectively ask your assistance in stopping Sammy's leaks. PS Why does your site have all those outboard motors on it? I thought you were into seagulls.   Celine 2nd year student BSc program

Dear Celine, Have you forgotten to insert the nylon gear box plug in Sammy? That should stop the leaks. Remember when starting him two pulls with the starter cord should do it. All seagulls leak a bit. And smoke a bit too. - Capt Ron

Dear Captain Ron, Celine again. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! WE HAVE ISSUES MISTER!! My class managed to catch Sammy and insert the gear box plug and yes the leaking did stop but SAMMY was in obvious distress! So when we took the plug out after a couple of days there was a small explosion of you know what. And NO! Sammy does not smoke and the last thing we would do is wrap a starter cord around his poor little neck and PULL IT!!! This is your last chance- how do we stop the leaks?? PS we do not understand your bent sense of humor. 

Dear Celine, Seagulls naturally leak. Its the way they were designed. Everything is OK. Chill out eh!  Sincerely, Capt Ron

Dear Capt Ron.  Oh, Ok, thanks Seagull Dude. You are the Man!


Dear Capt Ron,

Its happened again. I was out off the Victoria waterfront when this honking big mother of a big cruise ship had a bit of engine trouble on a Lee shore and things looked bad. I went out with my Silver Seagull Plus on a 12 foot row boat (you can see me just aft of the ship) and placed the bow against her stern and pushed them off the rocks. The crew was so grateful they tossed a 5 gal pail of ice cream and a salami my way. They also had a fire hose out to give me some fresh water but by then I had pushed them off the rocks.  I'll be eatin free for a week man!  You won't believe how many times I have had to do this with the seagull.  - George

Dear George, I think that ship was attempting to back into its berth at Ogden Pt. and you may have been in the way. Your clue would have been the fire hose and the things they were firing at you to try and dislodge you from their stern. Still, seagulls have pulled many a mariner in distress off a lee shore ...so keep up the good work!!!  Cheers! Capt Ron

Dear Capt Ron,

On behalf of all blonde spousal units I would just like to say that you sir are a rat and are not funny at all. IF you want funny there here is a blond man joke for you:  -Blondie -Victoria BC

There were two blonde guys working for the city council. One would dig a
hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the
other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you
are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your
partner follows behind and fills it up again."

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a
three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

 


Yo Capt Ron,

Don't take this personal but we are a Marine combat team serving in Iraq and we wish to see more of Miss Farsea your Corporate Secretary (and less of You.) Could you send us out some autographed pictures. We have access to some cruise missiles and your gps co-ordinates Sir and we would REALLY like those pictures. Thanks!

Jim and Group - USMC Iraq

Miss Farsea our Corporate Secretary on vacation


Dear Capt Ron,

What is this about you selling the business?? We girls at the Society to Prevent Cruelty to Blond Women (STPCTBW) are deeply concerned. Your sensitivity to mentally challenged blond females MCBF as you call us has been heartwarming. (HW) We were wondering if you could lecture us on how to fix a seagull. (HTFAS). We purchased a set of rings and tried to insert them into the bird but it made a lot of noise and flew away. A  man said we were trying to insert the rings into a duck not a seagull and that we should try again possibly from the other end. Could you tell us which ones goes quack. Is it the duck or the seagull. And why are we putting the rings in again? I know its got something to do with compression but why do we want to compress a duck? Or is it the seagull???

Thanks very much I am sure, (TVMIAS)

Britta, Chairwoman STPCTBW


Dear Capt Ron,

What is it you have against redheads? I never see any redhead jokes on your webpage. We redheads have a sense of humor too but because you have forsaken us we all hate you now. You can just jump in the lake- the one infested with ten foot alligators Mr. Ron. See how funny you are then! Ha! PS you will likely be too chicken to print this but we don't care.

Big Red in Idaho


Dear Capt Ron,

I know you like have given considerable support to the MCBF but have you ever considered that us brunette spousal units also would appreciate some help at times. I just upgraded our seagull with roller bearings an improved electronic ignition and a nitros oxide injection system. Put a turbo on her last year that I designed myself using an old hair dryer and some parts from my husband's SAAB. My seagull now pushes out about 65 hp.  Brunettes Rule Eh!